February 2009

 Doug, Susan, Michael, Betsy, and Kari

"My husband and I had already decided we wanted to grow our family through adoption from foster care when we attended the Adoption Discovery group in the Fall of 2006, but we had no clue how valuable that relationship would be when we started down that path. Without constant encouragement, expertise of the bureaucracy, and an overflowing passion for reaching these children, I'm not sure we would've continued. The Adoption Discovery team knows this and that's why they do what they do, and they do it for free.....You couldn't really put a price tag on what they gave us anyway." -Susan

Experience with us the final day of our journey to adoption.

"All morning I was jittery, excited, nervous, shaking, scatter-brained and running around making sure we had everything we needed before our scheduled telephone court hearing at 2pm. Our lawyer called us to prep us for what to expect, run through the questions the judge was going to ask us, and make sure we remembered to be with a notary during the telephone hearing. Our plan was to pick up the kids from school and drive over to our friend Laura's office, who is a notary.

We arrived to Laura's office early and I nervously fumbled about trying to set up the video recorder, move the kids around on the chairs, and position us all around my cell phone sitting in the middle of the table. It suddenly reminded me of when I was first in labor with Kari and I flittered and fluttered about while Doug questioned my every nonsensical move!

The cell phone came to life at 2:10pm with Judge Webb of Pasco County, FL on the line! Judge Webb proceeded by asking us several questions in relation to our residence and how long the kids have been with us. Then, he asked us why we wanted to adopt the kids.....we stated that it's because we've grown to love them and can't imagine our family without them. He then asked to speak with Michael. He asked him how old he was and if he understood that he and Betsy were being adopted into our family and if he wanted to be adopted into our family. Michael answered yes to those questions. The next thing I really remember is him saying, "I grant the adoption" to which I unexpectedly burst into tears and Doug had to immediately take over as our voice to the judge! We cheered, then said our good-byes to the judge and our lawyer present with him, and our ever-so-detailed friend Laura announced that it was 2:19:08 pm when the judge made his declaration!!

The rest of the afternoon I felt emotionally and physically drained as if I really HAD just given birth. As I reflected on my sudden burst of tears following the judge's announcement of Michael and Betsy's adoption, I flashbacked to Kari's birth 3+ years ago and was reminded of how I then, too, burst into tears immediately after she was born and the midwife placed her on my belly. It was at that moment that I realized God was showing me something that I couldn't afford to miss.

I've struggled with whether or not I could or would ever grow to love Michael and Betsy the way I love Kari. Although I've had absolutely NO doubt that God led us to this very place with these very children, I was painfully aware that my heart had not caught up with what we were doing and I wasn't sure if it ever would. Every day I've asked God to grow my heart for what He's asked us to do, and every day I saw things in myself that made me wonder if it ever would get there. I struggled a lot with how God could ever possibly bridge that gap for me after experiencing the intense bond of pregnancy and childbirth that I had with Kari. It was never going to be the same. How could it?

But, today, I believe God, in the only way God could, allowed me to feel a very similar "birthing" experience with Michael and Betsy with my scattered head this morning to my burst of tears this afternoon as I did with Kari and opened my eyes to a different kind of birth. I birthed Kari through my body, and today I birthed Michael and Betsy through my heart. I felt it. My heart is different towards those two kids today than it was yesterday and I really cannot explain it any other way. - Susan